Obituary Writing Do's and Don'ts

Introduction

Writing an obituary involves balancing honesty, sensitivity, and practicality. Even with the best intentions, it is easy to include too much, leave out something important, or strike the wrong tone. This guide outlines clear do's and don'ts to help you navigate the process with confidence.

Whether this is your first time writing an obituary or you want to refine a draft you have already started, these guidelines will keep you on the right track.

The Do's

Do Verify All Facts

Double-check every name, date, and detail before submitting the obituary. This includes the correct spelling of survivors' names, the accurate date and location of birth and death, and the proper names of organizations, schools, and employers mentioned. Errors in a published obituary can cause confusion and distress for the family.

Do Use the Person's Preferred Name

If your loved one went by a nickname or a name different from their legal name, include both. For example: "Margaret 'Maggie' Thompson." This small detail helps readers recognize the person and reflects how they were known in daily life.

Do Capture Their Personality

An obituary should feel like a reflection of the person, not a generic fill-in-the-blank document. Include specific traits, habits, and passions that made them unique. Did they tell the same joke at every family gathering? Did they always have a book in hand? These details are what transform a list of facts into a genuine tribute.

Do Keep the Audience in Mind

Obituaries are read by a wide audience — close family, distant relatives, colleagues, neighbors, and community members. Write in a way that is accessible and respectful to all readers. Avoid inside jokes or references that only a handful of people would understand, unless you briefly explain them.

Do Include Service Information

Readers often turn to obituaries for practical details about memorial services. Be sure to include the date, time, location, and any special instructions (such as dress code, charitable donations, or livestream links). If arrangements are still pending, say so and provide a way for people to find updated information.

Do Ask for Input

Invite family members and close friends to contribute memories, quotes, or details. This collaboration not only lightens your load but also results in a richer, more well-rounded tribute. You might discover stories and qualities you were not aware of.

Do Consider Using a Template

If you are struggling with structure, a template can provide a helpful starting framework. You can browse our templates to find one that fits your needs, then customize it with personal details and stories.

The Don'ts

Don't Rush the Process

While there are often deadlines for newspaper publication, try not to let urgency compromise quality. If you need more time, many funeral homes and online platforms allow you to publish or update an obituary after the initial announcement. Take the time to get it right.

Don't Include Cause of Death Unless the Family Agrees

The decision to include or omit the cause of death is deeply personal. Some families feel it provides closure and context; others consider it private. Discuss this with the immediate family before making a decision. Phrases like "passed away after a courageous battle with cancer" or "died peacefully at home" offer varying levels of detail without being graphic.

Don't Exaggerate or Fabricate

It can be tempting to idealize the deceased, but an obituary that feels dishonest can ring hollow to those who knew the person well. You do not need to air grievances or highlight flaws, but aim for an honest portrayal. Focus on genuine strengths, real accomplishments, and authentic qualities.

Don't Use Cliches Without Thought

Phrases like "gone too soon," "called home," or "lost their battle" are so common that they can lose their impact. If a phrase genuinely reflects your loved one's situation or beliefs, use it. But if you are reaching for it simply because you have seen it before, consider whether more specific, personal language would serve better.

Don't Forget to Proofread

Typos, grammatical errors, and formatting issues can distract from the tribute and may even cause misunderstandings. Read the obituary aloud, have someone else review it, and check it one more time before submission. Pay special attention to the spelling of names and the accuracy of dates.

Don't Exclude Important Relationships

Failing to mention a surviving family member — intentionally or accidentally — can cause lasting hurt. Be thorough when listing survivors and those who preceded the deceased. When in doubt, ask other family members to review the list.

Don't Make It Only About Accomplishments

Professional achievements and awards are worth mentioning, but an obituary that reads like a resume misses the heart of the person. Balance career highlights with personal stories, relationships, and the quieter moments that defined their daily life. The goal is to show who they were, not just what they did.

Don't Neglect Practical Details

An obituary that beautifully captures someone's life but fails to mention when or where the service will be held has missed a key function. Always include memorial information, or at minimum, direct readers to where they can find it.

Common Pitfalls to Watch For

Writing too long or too short. Aim for a length that does justice to the person without overwhelming the reader. Most obituaries range from 200 to 600 words, though there is no strict rule.
Using overly formal language that does not match the person's character. Write in a voice that feels true to who they were.
Forgetting to include a photo. A photograph helps readers connect with the person and makes the obituary more personal.
Omitting information about charitable donations or memorial funds the family has established.

A Quick Checklist Before You Publish

All names and dates are accurate
The tone matches the person's personality
Surviving family members have been listed and the list has been reviewed
Service details are included or a reference to where they can be found
The obituary has been proofread by at least one other person
A photograph has been selected
Charitable donation or memorial fund information is included, if applicable

For a guided approach that ensures you cover all the essentials, try our obituary creator. It walks you through each section and helps you avoid the most common mistakes.

Conclusion

The best obituaries are honest, specific, and written with care. By following these do's and don'ts, you can create a tribute that honors your loved one's memory, provides comfort to those who are grieving, and serves as a lasting record of a life well lived.