Introduction
Writing an obituary is one of the most personal and important tasks you may face during a time of loss. It is more than a formal announcement — it is a lasting tribute that captures the essence of a life lived. While the process can feel overwhelming, especially amid grief, taking the time to craft a thoughtful obituary ensures your loved one is remembered with the dignity and warmth they deserve.
This guide walks you through every step, from gathering details to polishing the final draft. Whether you are writing for a parent, a spouse, a friend, or another cherished person, the principles here will help you create something meaningful.
Step 1: Gather Key Information
Before you begin writing, collect the essential facts and stories that will form the backbone of the obituary. Having this information at hand makes the process smoother and helps ensure nothing important is overlooked.
Biographical Details
- Full legal name, including maiden name or any name changes
- Date and place of birth
- Date and place of passing
- Names of immediate family members — spouse, children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings
- Education history, including schools attended and degrees earned
- Career highlights and professional achievements
- Military service, if applicable
Personal Details
- Hobbies, passions, and interests
- Community involvement, volunteer work, or memberships
- Religious or spiritual affiliations
- Favorite sayings, qualities friends admired, or personality traits that defined them
- Anecdotes or stories that illustrate who they were
Reach out to family members and close friends for input. They may recall moments and details that enrich the tribute and help paint a fuller picture.
Step 2: Decide on Tone and Style
The tone of an obituary should reflect the personality of the person being honored. Some families prefer a formal, traditional approach, while others opt for a warmer, more conversational voice. Neither is wrong — what matters is authenticity.
Consider the following questions:
- Was your loved one known for their humor? A lighthearted touch might be fitting.
- Were they deeply private? A dignified, understated tone may be more appropriate.
- Did they have a strong faith? Incorporating spiritual language could be meaningful.
If you are unsure where to start, you can browse our templates for inspiration. Templates offer a helpful framework that you can personalize to suit your needs.
Step 3: Write the Opening
The opening lines set the stage for the entire obituary. A strong opening immediately conveys who the person was and draws readers in.
Traditional openings typically state the person's name, age, city of residence, and date of passing. However, you can also begin with a defining quality, a brief quote, or a statement that captures their spirit.
For example, instead of simply writing "John Smith, 78, passed away on March 5," you might write: "John Smith, a devoted father, lifelong gardener, and friend to all who knew him, passed away peacefully on March 5 at the age of 78." The second version immediately gives the reader a sense of who John was.
Step 4: Build the Life Story
The body of the obituary is where you tell the story of your loved one's life. Organize this section chronologically or thematically — whichever feels more natural.
Chronological Approach
Start with early life (where they grew up, family background), move through education and career, and then cover their later years, including retirement, hobbies, and family life. This structure is straightforward and easy for readers to follow.
Thematic Approach
Organize around the roles and passions that defined them: as a parent, a professional, a community member, a hobbyist. This approach works well for people whose impact spanned many areas and allows you to highlight what mattered most.
Whichever structure you choose, include specific details. Mention the name of the company where they worked for thirty years, the garden club they helped found, or the camping trips they took with their grandchildren every summer. Specificity brings an obituary to life.
Step 5: Acknowledge Survivors and Those Who Preceded Them
List the names of surviving family members, typically starting with the spouse, then children (and their spouses), grandchildren, siblings, and sometimes close friends or caregivers. Also mention those who preceded the deceased in death, such as parents, siblings, or a spouse.
This section provides comfort and context. It honors relationships and helps the community understand the family connections.
Step 6: Include Service and Memorial Details
Provide practical information about memorial services, visitation, funeral arrangements, and burial or cremation plans. Include dates, times, and locations. If the family prefers donations to a specific charity in lieu of flowers, state that clearly here.
Step 7: Review, Revise, and Finalize
Once you have a draft, set it aside for a short while if possible, then return to it with fresh eyes. Read it aloud — this helps catch awkward phrasing and ensures the tone feels right.
Ask a trusted family member or friend to review the draft as well. They may spot errors or suggest additions that strengthen the tribute.
Check all names, dates, and facts for accuracy. A published obituary becomes a permanent record, so precision matters.
If you would like a guided, structured approach to writing, try our obituary creator, which walks you through each section step by step.
Tips for Writing Under Pressure
Grief can make even simple tasks feel monumental. Here are some practical tips to help you through:
- Do not try to write the entire obituary in one sitting. Break it into sections and take breaks.
- Start with the facts, then layer in the personal touches. Getting the basics down first reduces the blank-page anxiety.
- Ask for help. There is no rule that says one person must write the entire obituary alone.
- Remember that done is better than perfect. Your loved one would appreciate the effort, regardless of how polished the prose is.
Final Thoughts
An obituary is both a farewell and a celebration. It tells the world that this person mattered — that they loved, contributed, and left a mark. By approaching the task with care, gathering meaningful details, and writing from the heart, you can create a tribute that honors their memory for years to come.
If you need a starting point, explore our collection of obituary templates designed for a variety of relationships and tones. You do not have to face this task alone.
Ready to Create an Obituary?
Put these tips into practice with our free obituary creator